It's a gorgeous spring day today, and not only is it a Friday, it's also an exceptionally sunny and warm day. It's one of those days where you just feel the need to go take a stroll in the park and admire everything that nature beholds, ranging from the blossoming foliage to the dog shit that owners are too lazy to pick up. As I'm taking a quiet stroll down the path leading into a small wood, contemplating everything that is going on in my life, I hear a horrible and dreaded noise - kids.
My peaceful lapse into deep thought is suddenly interrupted by childrens' laughter. All of a sudden, before I have time to react, a soccer ball hits my head. Fucksalt. Fucking niggertits. It hurts. A fucking lot. As the ball bounces off and lands on a hill near me and rolls to my feet due to this miracle called gravity, I regain myself. What the fuck, you shitheads!? I pick up the ball and throw it with all of my might at the nearest kid, hitting him square in the stomach. Yeah? How'd you like that, you bastard?
This is where I take in my surroundings. In front of me are about five kids looking no older than six and a middle aged couple standing with their mouths open in shock. Maybe it was because they were awe-struck by my impressive throw, or maybe by the fact that everything in italics is what I actually exclaimed out loud. I soon got my answer.
"Excuse me, but that kind of language is not appropriate, and neither was your conduct just now," barked the man at me, "it was obvious that Sammy here didn't have any intention of hurting you."
---------------
This is where I'll break away from my engrossing retell of this event and state all of the problems I already have with this man, and what I wish I had said to him:
1) My language is not appropriate!? Who the fuck do you think you are, a teacher or something? My language is fully appropriate, not only that, it was also honest.
Your kid is a shithead, admit it. He accidentally kicked a ball in my face, I threw it tactfully right into his stomach, successively knocking the wind out of him. Which one of us is better? Obviously not the six year old cocksucker.
2) Also, your kids have to learn this kind of language at one time or another. Remember that kid in elementary school who taught you new words and phrases all of the time? The cool kid, the one that made everyone else feel like an outcast? The one that got his first run-in with the cops in grade 7, winning the mad respect from everyone? Well, you can be him now and educate these little asses about the beauty of the English language. But obviously, you're failing as a parent, as you're probably one of those that has channel block turned on when the kids take the tv remote.
But hey, by choosing to avoid certain words, aren't you in fact trying to segregate those words from the rest of the English language? Doesn't that send the message that not all words belong together and that since some are vulgar, we should just eliminate them? Well, I have news for you, buddy, Hitler thought the same too, just with people, and that led to World War 4 (or whichever war that was after World War 1).
3) My conduct wasn't appropriate!? I just gave four of your idly standing kids a lesson on how you throw a soccer ball into someone's stomach. People pay for lessons you know, and I just gave your kids a free one. Where's the thanks that I deserve?
4) The shithead's name is Sammy? Seriously? Not only is that one of the crappiest names I've heard (you can tell the kid was a mistake by the lack of time they had to come up with something more creative), but honestly, I don't give a fuck what your kid's name is. For me, he'll still stay as "that shithead that kicked a ball in my face" (for those of you that just started reading this part and skipped the beginning, I'm talking about a soccer ball, not what you dirty assholes are thinking).
So now, instead of continuing to enjoy my stroll in the park, I had to retreat to my basement so I could write all about you and your shitty kids.
Lesson to learn from this?
Don't take your kids to the fucking park unless you're willing to show how much you fail as a parent publicly.
Sincerely,
A concerned citizen
Disclaimer: All events are fictional and do not reflect the opinions of the blog owner
My peaceful lapse into deep thought is suddenly interrupted by childrens' laughter. All of a sudden, before I have time to react, a soccer ball hits my head. Fucksalt. Fucking niggertits. It hurts. A fucking lot. As the ball bounces off and lands on a hill near me and rolls to my feet due to this miracle called gravity, I regain myself. What the fuck, you shitheads!? I pick up the ball and throw it with all of my might at the nearest kid, hitting him square in the stomach. Yeah? How'd you like that, you bastard?
This is where I take in my surroundings. In front of me are about five kids looking no older than six and a middle aged couple standing with their mouths open in shock. Maybe it was because they were awe-struck by my impressive throw, or maybe by the fact that everything in italics is what I actually exclaimed out loud. I soon got my answer.
"Excuse me, but that kind of language is not appropriate, and neither was your conduct just now," barked the man at me, "it was obvious that Sammy here didn't have any intention of hurting you."
---------------
This is where I'll break away from my engrossing retell of this event and state all of the problems I already have with this man, and what I wish I had said to him:
1) My language is not appropriate!? Who the fuck do you think you are, a teacher or something? My language is fully appropriate, not only that, it was also honest.
Your kid is a shithead, admit it. He accidentally kicked a ball in my face, I threw it tactfully right into his stomach, successively knocking the wind out of him. Which one of us is better? Obviously not the six year old cocksucker.
2) Also, your kids have to learn this kind of language at one time or another. Remember that kid in elementary school who taught you new words and phrases all of the time? The cool kid, the one that made everyone else feel like an outcast? The one that got his first run-in with the cops in grade 7, winning the mad respect from everyone? Well, you can be him now and educate these little asses about the beauty of the English language. But obviously, you're failing as a parent, as you're probably one of those that has channel block turned on when the kids take the tv remote.
But hey, by choosing to avoid certain words, aren't you in fact trying to segregate those words from the rest of the English language? Doesn't that send the message that not all words belong together and that since some are vulgar, we should just eliminate them? Well, I have news for you, buddy, Hitler thought the same too, just with people, and that led to World War 4 (or whichever war that was after World War 1).
3) My conduct wasn't appropriate!? I just gave four of your idly standing kids a lesson on how you throw a soccer ball into someone's stomach. People pay for lessons you know, and I just gave your kids a free one. Where's the thanks that I deserve?
4) The shithead's name is Sammy? Seriously? Not only is that one of the crappiest names I've heard (you can tell the kid was a mistake by the lack of time they had to come up with something more creative), but honestly, I don't give a fuck what your kid's name is. For me, he'll still stay as "that shithead that kicked a ball in my face" (for those of you that just started reading this part and skipped the beginning, I'm talking about a soccer ball, not what you dirty assholes are thinking).
So now, instead of continuing to enjoy my stroll in the park, I had to retreat to my basement so I could write all about you and your shitty kids.
Lesson to learn from this?
Don't take your kids to the fucking park unless you're willing to show how much you fail as a parent publicly.
Sincerely,
A concerned citizen
Disclaimer: All events are fictional and do not reflect the opinions of the blog owner
So true. People should really learn.
ReplyDelete